So the paramedics came and stuck a million needles in me (some of them missed, hence the heroin chic), and my medicalert bracelet had a chance to help.
And, you know how sometimes people will talk about you while you’re in the room as if you’re not, and you get to hear your voice in the third person, even though you’re not pretending to be Bobe Dole or anything? Well, you and I, and every observational comic since the 70s has known that that is a really weird and annoying feeling. But it’s quite another thing when it happens NOT at an awkward tenth grade party, but in an emergency room, and the people talking about you are paramedics, and what they’re saying is that you almost died. It’s, uhm, different. Beyond different.
I had an allergic reaction to one of the anti-seizure meds I was taking, and it closed up my throat and gave me crazy hives all over my body, my blood pressure was scarily low and I was not even close to breathing right or being in a normal state of mind. But aside from that, now I’ve gone practically numb, body, brain, and emotion-wise. What can you do? Four trips to the emergency room or urgent care or some such thing, four trips in the space of two weeks? Not to mention the incredibly different and numbing and weird break-up with Ian that went down.
You know that “it’s funny because it’s true” feeling you get with certain jokes? I get them now with jokes relating to Mr. Burns and Professor Farnsworth and stuff now, because I’ve come close to death, what is it, two or three times now? I mean, when Farnsy says, “Well, I’m technically alive,” I laugh because that’s how I feel – “technically” alive. Technically, I’m enrolled in school, technically this technically that, etc. I FEEL WEIRD.
Yeah, so now my mom’s up here with me. I might go home for a few days to see my dog, and any friends who are down there; visit Cleveland, that always gives me a boost OR SOMETHING.
But, that’s all there really is to say, them’s the facts. I love all you, even a good portion of you who will never ever read this, and that love and your souls are the reasons that I haven’t jumped out a window or stopped taking my pills or anything crazy. So, I know most you of are crazy atheists or something, and this will sound corny and stupid as hell, but pray for me, because there’s nothing rational left to do, so be irrational and appeal to the big sweeping soul that envelopes us all, whatever name (if any) you have for it. That’s all I’ve been able to do, and it feels as better as it possible could. I promise I’ll be able to feel it when it comes through from you. Adios, motherfuckers!